Britans oldest recorded.. ( shit just happens !!)

1. ...Did you know.. the nursery rhyme "Humpty Dumpty" is said to of started at the sige of colchester when the cannon (..poor old humpty..) belonging to the royalists and was fired by a (possibly dutch )gunner and is said to have had only one eye....,(..ie.. all the kings men.), was blown off the top of St Marys church tower ( you can see where the tower has been mended).and they had to surrender ..........hurrahh !!....but not until the woman of the town lay down and said "please shoot us we don't want to starve to death" the royalists felt bad and surrendered ( rescued by woman .. ...again for a 2nd time.!!) ...But rest assured they didn't have scrambled egg for tea.!. they got shot !! It was all Lucas's and Goring's fault ,in the civil war they went and gave it the big'un down in kent then ran away, but being hooray henry's with the intelligence somewhere between a cuttlefish and a line dancer, one of them lived here and ran home with all his mates ,we hated the basted and wouldn't let them in but they won in the end 'cos all his family and some more of his mates were still living here so we had the buggers outside the gates ..and .in here with us !... we didn't stand a chance, but not till after a huge scrap !! Fairfax and the bloody roundhead's army turned up 12 hours later and layed siege to the town.!!The hooray's then beat and killed some of the blokes raped our woman and pinched all our food ( see ref to sushi in last post..) 'cos during the siege we had to eat the cat.!!... and .. anything else that moved and wasn't big enough to fight back, the more enterprising of us were selling 1/2 a dog for 6.d ...thats 25 quid in todays money. the relay poor were on rat and mutton fat candles .....see!( bloody public schoolboys come marching in here ..shut the gates..and say " we are stealing your town --give us your grub!!"................bastards..(. the fu@%king romans did that to us as well .!....and we had to be rescued by a.. woman for the 1st time (Boudica )!!. (it is a stupid and foolish man who thinks he's in charge.) ).And then to top it all off parliament went and fined the town for letting the twat's in in the ..first .place so not only did we have a completely trashed town and no grub we had to pay for the privilege of it all. ( we made the dutch weavers pay half 'cos there was more of us than them .....and they were a long- long way from where there mates were in Holland.. they were all probably stoned anyway..). Then in 1665 (or there abouts ) we all got the plague..!!! which goes to show you .............SHIT JUST HAPPENS ..!!!!